Appropriate study group etiquette, part II

In my previous post about appropriate study group etiquette, I misinterpreted the question. I'm so sorry that I jumped to conclusions, but thank you to the original question-asker for following up with me again. A reader writes:

"My initiative was to get the study group going, at first with my questions in the beginning, but none have answered so far. And if group members do not wish to propose a fresh question, than I  may have to keep the group going by adding more questions to start discussing.

If the study group can propose questions and keep the discussion going, I will be glad if that is the case. But none of them do work, like they are waiting for questions. I would like to confirm that it is advisable to give them all my questions then."

Yes, if other students are not actively participating in the study group, it is okay to try to keep the conversation going by asking more questions of your own. However, it really sounds like your study group is not working like a study group... and I think it's because there is a lack of expectations.

I hope I'm not jumping to conclusions again, but when you are starting a study group, it is really, really important that everyone in the group be on the same page in terms of expectations.

Normally, I would suggest that a new study group start out by meeting and agreeing on how often the group will meet, how the group should function, and what roles--like leader, organizer, moderator, and notetaker--people want to take on. This conversation should also involve talking about expectations, accountability, and commitment to the study group.

But it sounds like that hasn't happened. In fact, it sounds like your only contact with the other students in your "study group" has been done via email. If that is the case, it would be appropriate to email them all and let them know why you started the study group and your expectations for the group. You also want to remind them of your question and prompt them to action by asking for their response.

Your email might say something like, "I emailed you to start a study group as a way to discuss the assignments with other students and share input and perspective on assignments. I would really like it if everyone could propose questions and keep the discussion going. My question is X? I want to know what you think about that or if you have any questions about it, so please email me back and keep the discussion going. Thank you!"

Then wait for replies. Hopefully this will get the other students to be more active in your study group because you are being clear about what you want and what you expect of them. Also, in the meantime while you are waiting for replies, you might want to go to office hours and ask the professor your questions.

If no one replies, consider reaching out to a different group of students, but I really do hope your study group works out.


Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Appropriate study group etiquette

As a follow up question to How to start a study group, part II, the same reader writes:

"Is it appropriate to ask my study group questions of my own only, and repeatedly after the first and the next....?" 

One of the most important things to keep in mind when you are working with a study group is what you want out of the study group itself.  Most first generation and low income college students use study groups as a way to get to know other students, discuss their assignments with other students, share input and perspective on assignments, learn course material more in depth, and prevent or deal with academic difficulty.


All of these reasons for being in a study group are partially selfish, but meant to help everyone in the group. Study group member should be sharing information, bouncing ideas off of each other, and otherwise working as a collaborative team.

So, it is definitely appropriate to ask questions when you have them, but also help answer questions when you understand the material. If you are willing to help out whenever someone else in your study group has questions, it should not be a problem that you ask a ton of questions.

Just don't take over study group sessions and make them all about you and your questions. Hijacking all of the study group time for your only your own benefit is inappropriate.

Honestly, from your question, it sounds like you may be trying to get more from your study group than you are willing to give. Remember that it is a study group, so things should run smoothly if you contribute to a positive group dynamic and share in the question asking and answering.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

How to start a study group

I am a big fan of recommending forming study groups as a great academic tool for first generation and low income college students. Study groups give you the opportunity to really understand the class material and build relationships with your classmates. Study groups are awesome.

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But, I realize, you may not know how to go about starting a study group of your very own. So here are a few tips for you to get a study group started:

Put the word out. First, you have to let your classmates know that you are starting a study group. You can create a sign up sheet and pass it around class, talk to your friends in the class or major, post to your class' website or email listserv, make an announcement before lecture or discussion (with instructor's permission), or ask the instructor to make announcement on your behalf.

Logistics, logistics, logistics. Get available times and contact information from your study group members and set a time for everyone to meet. Arrange to reserve a room or space on campus or at a convenient local spot. Let everyone know when your first meeting will be and to bring study material like textbooks, notes, or lecture recordings. , decide on how often to meet

Get on the same page. At your first study group session, talk with your study group to agree on how often the group will meet, how the group should function, and what roles people want to take on. Roles might include leader, organizer, moderator, and notetaker. Also make sure you talk about expectations, accountability, and commitment to the study group.

Nip it in the bud. In any group setting, problems might arise like a lack of attendance, preparation, or motivation. Whenever issues like these come up, make sure to openly discuss it with the group so everyone can benefit from the study group.

Don't go it alone. Study groups are great to bounce ideas off of each other, but you may come to an impasse sometimes or may not collectively understand a particular topic. If this happens, go to the instructor when the group disagrees about course material or are all confuse. The instructor is the ultimate authority when it comes to class material.

Have a great day of academic achievement with your study group.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Mentorship opportunity for immigrant students

I am a huge fan of mentorship for first generation and low income college students, both being a mentor and having a mentor. There is so much to be gained from sharing your lived experience and guidance with someone else that is ridiculously rewarding for everyone involved.

So for all the immigrant students (including undocumented students) out there, here is an exciting opportunity to be mentor to another immigrant student or be mentored by one, brought to you by Educators for Fair Consideration (E4FC):

E4FC’s National Mentor Network provides immigrant students opportunities to share their experiences, offer guidance, and support one another. The National Mentor Network is open to immigrant students nationwide.

Photo credit: http://e4fc.org/home.html

One of the main challenges facing college-bound immigrant students is finding other students who can answer questions and give guidance. Resources and guides cannot replace the power and inspiration of meeting other immigrant students who, in the face of overwhelming challenges, are also pursuing college. The goal of our National Mentor Network is to help immigrant students build a safe, supportive, and informed community.

To be a mentor or be mentored through E4FC’s National Mentor Network, all you have to do is fill out a brief, anonymous profile questionnaire, get an email confirmation, and wait for a follow-up phone call. That's it!

If you have any questions about this mentorship opportunity, please contact Jose Arreola, the E4FC Student Outreach Coordinator. Happy mentoring!

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Say "Thank you"

If you are a first generation or low income college student in the United States, chances are you are celebrating Thanksgiving this week. During this time when you sit around thinking of all the ways you are lucky and giving thanks for those things, don't forget about the people that helped you get to where you are today.

I encourage you to use this holiday to reflect on your journey to become a college student and thank the people who were influential in that process. Like, actually thank them. Yes, I mean tell them "Thank you!" for helping you make it to college.

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Tell your friends and family, the high school guidance counselor or community member that believed in you, your mentor, or whoever it is. Just tell them.

Maybe you're an "actions speak louder than words" kinda person. So do something nice for the folks that helped you get to where you are. Offer to babysit for them, take them out for lunch, or bake them a cake. Show them how grateful you are for their support.

You can also spread the holiday spirit by giving back and volunteering for Thanksgiving-based projects, like food drives or soup kitchens.

So, say "Thank you" to someone important in your path to college and enjoy your Thanksgiving.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

The turkey dump

Whether or not you celebrate Thanksgiving, there is a phenomenon in college known as the turkey dump. This is when first-year students return home around Thanksgiving and break up with their high school sweethearts.

Photo credit: from www.turkeydump.com

How common is it? Um, common enough to have a website dedicated to it... Seriously, I have no idea, but I have had a good number of students experience the dreaded turkey dump. It happens, hopefully not to you.  

What can you do if you are the turkey dumpee?

Dealing with the end of any relationship is hard, so I'm not going to lie and say it's not. It sucks. A lot. But thinking rational thoughts, accepting that it's over, and relying on your support network of family and friends can make help make it suck less.

This means when you think irrational things like "No one will ever want me ever again," stop yourself right there. Try to inject rationality into your thinking. Remind yourself that yes it hurts now, but you will heal. Next, you must accept that your relationship is over. Think of your new single status as a fresh opportunity to make new connections, and your family and friends can be a part of helping you make those connections.

What can you do if you are the turkey dumper?

Hopefully, you haven't reached the decision to end your relationship lightly. Although you tend to get the bad rap because you are the dumper, you still need support. If people try to make you feel bad for your choice, let them know it wasn't an easy choice for you (and even if it was, it will make you less of a douche to show some vulnerability).

Hopefully you survive the Thanksgiving weekend with your long-distance relationship in tact.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

More ways to boost your self-esteem

After yesterday's rousing post on 3 quick ways to boost your self-esteem, I thought about a few more ways to help make you feel like the awesome person you are as a first generation or low income college student...

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Here are a few more self-esteem boosters that I used as a student:

Just smile. You might not always feel like smiling, but just the act of smiling will make you feel better. Try it in the mirror and notice how your face lights up when you smile. When you look at other people, flash them a smile and feel their positive vibes come back to you.

Look good. Take the time to really put yourself together. Take a long shower, wear your favorite outfit that you look great in, style your hair, or whatever you need to do to gussy yourself up. When you look good, you feel good. (This is a great boost especially for midterm days)

Walk tall. When you're out and about, strut your stuff by standing up straight, walking with your shoulders back and head up. This is the walk of a confident person and people will respond to you as such.

Just like I said yesterday, you are awesome. And don't you forget it!

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Boosting your self-esteem

Sometimes the pressures of college for can make you doubt how awesome you are, and this can take its toll on your self-esteem as a first generation or low income college student.

When you feel good about yourself, you tend to be more productive, accomplish your goals, do well academically, and have happier relationships. Having a positive self-image and high self-esteem are vital to your success in college.

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With all the good stuff that comes with feeling good about yourself, here are 3 quick tips to help you boost your self-esteem in a hurry: 

Walk down memory lane. Think about a time when you felt great about yourself and what was going on at that time. Try to recreate some of it to relive those good feelings. 

Talk to yourself. Instead of being your own worst enemy, practice positive self-talk. Tell yourself that you are awesome and affirm all the things you like about yourself.

Get relaxed. Put aside some time to deal with your stress and focus on chilling out. Its easier to focus on staying positive and feeling good about yourself when you are not stressed out.

Remember, you are awesome. I hope these tips help you remember that!

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Dealing with socioeconomic class differences

After yesterday's rousing post on a fight I had with an ex, also known as a conflict over socioeconomic class differences, let's talk about what to do if your end up in a similar situation.

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Okay, so you probably won't fight with a partner about the SATs, but chances are that as a first generation or low income college student you will face some sort of adversity based on socioeconomic status... If you find yourself in a conflict over socioeconomic class differences, here are 5 tips to manage the conflict:

Take a step back. Instead of assuming the worst, think about your own preconceptions and perceptions about socioeconomic class differences. Don't assume that your way of thinking is the correct way or that there is only one way to think about it.

Keep your cool. Although it can feel like a personal attack on you, your family, and community, don't take it personally. Try to stay objective and keep your feelings out of it. And no name calling.

Listen with openness. As you talk through the conflict, stop thinking about your counter-argument and actually listen. Just because you think you disagree doesn't mean that you actually disagree.

Look for common ground. Try to think about it from another perspective and see if there is something you can empathize with. Think of it as an opportunity to improve your own understanding and self-knowledge.

Make peace with it. A conflict over socioeconomic class differences isn't going to be solved in one conversation. Think about next steps and work together to agree on something, even if that is to agree to disagree.

Yeah, there is no magic solution to making conflicts over socioeconomic class differences go away. But these tips can help you manage those types of conflicts.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Socioeconomic class differences: A personal story

As a first generation and low income college student, I had my share of conflicts over socioeconomic class differences. The most memorable conflict happened my third year in college, when I was dating a guy from an upper-class family. Everything in the relationship was going well, until the SATs came up... The conversation, which was the beginning of the end, went a little something like this:

Me: You seriously thing that the SATs are a valid measure of anything?

Him: If it wasn't for the SATs, I don't think I would've made it to college. My grades weren't the best, my SAT score got me in. My high school didn't meet my needs. I had to get a tutor for the SATs.

Me: And where does that leave students whose parents can't afford a tutor? You realize that the SAT is a better measure of your parents' income than any kind of academic achievement. You went to one of the best high schools in the state. On a scale of one to 10, your high school is a 10, mine is a 2. My history textbook was so old the USSR still existed. Don't tell me that your high school didn't meet your needs. My high school barely met any students' needs as a whole. How dare you say that your high school didn't meet your needs. You're an ignorant, spoiled idiot!

Him: I'm sorry you think I'm an ignorant, spoiled idiot.

Me: I'm sorry you don't understand why I think you're an ignorant, spoiled idiot. (And I walked out of the room.)

Of course, at the time I felt completely justified. But in retrospect, I could have handled it better... Tune in tomorrow to find out how!

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

5 friends to have in college

Let's face it, friends are an important part of life. And as a first generation or low income college student, friends can be an important part of your success. I won't bore you with platitudes about how awesome friends are. Hopefully, you already know what friends can add to your life.

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But, different friends add different things to you life, so here are 5 folks you should have in your life as a first generation or low income college student:

1. The Non-College Friend. This is the friend from outside of your college realm that will help you keep things in perspective. Having someone not connected with your school can be a big help when your college is giving you grief.

2. The Neighbor. This is not necessarily the person that lives right next to you, but it is someone local. This is your nearby, go-to friend that can be there for you in a pinch.

3. The Wise Sage. It is always handy to have someone in your life who has plenty of experience that you can learn from. This older, wiser friend can help guide you through tough situations. This friend can be a great mentor, too.

4. The Back-in-the-Day Friend. This is the friend that knew you long before college. His or her job is to keep you grounded and connected to your roots.

5. The In-the-Same-Boat Friend. This is another first generation or low income college student, someone that really understands what you are going through because he or she is going through it too.

There you have it. These 5 friends can help you get through the thick and thin of surviving college. Now go out and make some friends.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Finding a mentor

I just read an article on how Centennial College earned an award for engaging first-generation learners, and one of the keys to success of their program was a mentoring component. I'd have to agree that having a mentor can be an important part of your success as first generation and low income college students.

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So how do you go about finding a mentoring relationship? First, don't think it has to be a structured or formal relationship. Think of mentoring as learning from someone you respect, whether or not there is a formal recognition of the relationship. Here are  tips to start a mentoring relationship as a first generation or low income college student:

Don't look too far. Think about who you click with already. Chances are that you already have people in your life--like professors, older friends, or campus advisors--who would be great mentors. Don't force it.

Look for resources. If no one you know springs to mind, try asking professors, the alumni office, or career services center for advice about finding a mentor. Your campus also might have a formal program already in place.

Meet on their turf. Seek out interactions with your chosen mentor in familiar settings at first, like office hours for advisors and professors. This will prevent things from getting awkward if the match is not quite right.

Express yourself. After a few solid meetings on their turf, consider telling your mentor how much you are gaining from your relationship and asking them to be your mentor.You can suggest meeting for lunch or going to a campus event together, just keep it professional.

Ask the right questions. There are two types of questions you should be asking a mentor. First ask mentors questions about themselves to get to know more about their experiences that are relevant to you. Second, ask questions about feedback for you. And take their answers seriously.

After following these steps, hopefully you have found a nurturing and successful mentoring partnership out there.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

4 ways to bridge family and campus life

first generation and low income college students are more likely to have a family, so balancing family life with college life can be tricky sometimes. One was to help with this balance is to involve your family in campus life when it makes sense.

Yeah, I don't have kids yet, but I've worked with enough student-parents to know that these suggestions work. So, here are 4 ways for bridging the gap between family life and campus life:

Introduce them to campus. Arrange a campus tour for your family, usually through admissions or visitors' center. If a pre-arranged tour is not an option, do it yourself. Bonus points if you can talk and walk backwards at the same time.

Plan a picnic. Bring your family on to campus and eat a meal. If your campus has a center or quad area, the heart of campus is a great place to host a bite. If you kids are old enough to make a meal, let them plan the menu.

Photo credit: http://www.elcivics.com

Read a book. You are doing a lot of reading, and hopefully you are encouraging your family to read as well. Bring your family to the campus library and check out a book or two for them. Talk to the librarians to see where appropriate books for your kids are or if there are other age-appropriate resources around.

Make a play date. Although a lot of campuses are not set up for playing, taking your family to campus to play can be a great outing, especially with younger kids. This is also an opportunity to be creative and get your kids' imaginations going. If you campus has a craft or activity center, bring your kids there for some arts and crafts time.

It also might be a good idea about to talk to your family about what you are experiencing as a college student. Anyhow, I hope you have a fun time with your family on campus.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Making a long-distance relationship work

Long-distance relationships are a reality for many first generation and low income college students, whether you're cities, states, or countries apart from your partner. And it can be hard trying to balance your relationship with the life you lead away from your partner at school.

Photo credit: www.longdistancelover.com

What can you do about it? Here are some tips for you and your hometown honey to keep your long-distance relationship alive:

Talk, don't assume. Never, ever, ever assume that you know what your partner is feeling or that they will get what you are going through. You have to talk openly about these things. Communication is the key to any relationship, but it really becomes your #1 tool in a long-distance one.

Be realistic about your expectations. As with any relationship that undergoes a major change, you can't expect it to be the exact same way it was when you were in the same locale. As you make the adjustment, make sure you and your partner talk about your expectations and be open to adjusting them as needed.

Don't jump to conclusions. In your mind, separate the worst case scenario from the best case scenario and don't put your fears on your partner. Ask questions, seek out more information, and don't make hasty decisions.

Above all, trust your partner. If you are overly concerned that your partner will stray while you're away, you don't trust your partner... and that is no way to maintain a relationship! Sorry to say, but if a lack of trust is an issue that you and your partner can't work through, the relationship is doomed... (And if your mistrust is based on previous bad behavior, well, that's a whole other issue...)

In addition to these tips, our friends over at The Real College Guide posted a great one about long-distance relationships. Check it out!

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Get your family on board

For first generation and low income college students, families may play a big role in students' success. However, families don't always know how to play that supporting role. It may fall on you as a student to work with your family to help them learn about that role.

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If you are a first generation college student, your family doesn't have the personal experience to help you with college that same way someone with a family history of college-going would have. If you are a low income college student, your family might not understand the actual costs of college, budgeting for a college student, and the financial aid process.

So, what can you do about it? You can talk about it with your family.

Tell them what your daily schedule is like, how many classes you are expected to take, what financial aid paper work you have to fill out and when it is due. (And if you don't know this stuff, talk to an advisor at your campus!) Tell them as much as you can to paint a picture of the college experience. Ask them about how your college experience is affecting them. Encourage them to ask you questions rather than make assumptions and agree to do the same.

These conversations won't always be easy--and depending on your family might be quite challenging--but you have to have them. And notice I said "conversations" with an emphasis on the plural "s," because keeping the lines of communications open is key to managing family expectations and getting their support.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.