Dealing with socioeconomic class differences

After yesterday's rousing post on a fight I had with an ex, also known as a conflict over socioeconomic class differences, let's talk about what to do if your end up in a similar situation.

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Okay, so you probably won't fight with a partner about the SATs, but chances are that as a first generation or low income college student you will face some sort of adversity based on socioeconomic status... If you find yourself in a conflict over socioeconomic class differences, here are 5 tips to manage the conflict:

Take a step back. Instead of assuming the worst, think about your own preconceptions and perceptions about socioeconomic class differences. Don't assume that your way of thinking is the correct way or that there is only one way to think about it.

Keep your cool. Although it can feel like a personal attack on you, your family, and community, don't take it personally. Try to stay objective and keep your feelings out of it. And no name calling.

Listen with openness. As you talk through the conflict, stop thinking about your counter-argument and actually listen. Just because you think you disagree doesn't mean that you actually disagree.

Look for common ground. Try to think about it from another perspective and see if there is something you can empathize with. Think of it as an opportunity to improve your own understanding and self-knowledge.

Make peace with it. A conflict over socioeconomic class differences isn't going to be solved in one conversation. Think about next steps and work together to agree on something, even if that is to agree to disagree.

Yeah, there is no magic solution to making conflicts over socioeconomic class differences go away. But these tips can help you manage those types of conflicts.

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.

Socioeconomic class differences: A personal story

As a first generation and low income college student, I had my share of conflicts over socioeconomic class differences. The most memorable conflict happened my third year in college, when I was dating a guy from an upper-class family. Everything in the relationship was going well, until the SATs came up... The conversation, which was the beginning of the end, went a little something like this:

Me: You seriously thing that the SATs are a valid measure of anything?

Him: If it wasn't for the SATs, I don't think I would've made it to college. My grades weren't the best, my SAT score got me in. My high school didn't meet my needs. I had to get a tutor for the SATs.

Me: And where does that leave students whose parents can't afford a tutor? You realize that the SAT is a better measure of your parents' income than any kind of academic achievement. You went to one of the best high schools in the state. On a scale of one to 10, your high school is a 10, mine is a 2. My history textbook was so old the USSR still existed. Don't tell me that your high school didn't meet your needs. My high school barely met any students' needs as a whole. How dare you say that your high school didn't meet your needs. You're an ignorant, spoiled idiot!

Him: I'm sorry you think I'm an ignorant, spoiled idiot.

Me: I'm sorry you don't understand why I think you're an ignorant, spoiled idiot. (And I walked out of the room.)

Of course, at the time I felt completely justified. But in retrospect, I could have handled it better... Tune in tomorrow to find out how!

Got questions? Please feel free to ask The Advisor about it.